Monday, June 17, 2013

I`m a liar and a jerk

So I'm a jerk, I know that.  I also get enjoyment in picking on my family members like my kids, husband, and my parents.  Grandma is best person to pick on.  I blatantly lie to her all the time and see if she believes me.  This normally lasts a couple of hours or even minutes. 

One story that tends to come up is when I was a teenager and I told her I am partially deaf.  She was calling me and I wasn't paying attention but watching TV. 

M: Didn't you hear me calling?
Me: Don't you know, I can't hear that well.  I can't tell if it is on my left or right side
M: OH really (thought for a while).  They didn't have those hearing tests when you were little and you were so sick.
Me: Oh yeah, sometimes I have to look at you to know what you are saying
In the background is Grandpa cracking up
D: If she was deaf, she wouldn't hear her phone on the other side of the house
I got in trouble

This time I had the corporation from Grandpa.  I took the kids to a children's party and in the goodie bag was a toy sting ray that grows in water (See picture above).  We put it in water for the kids to see and according to the directions it takes about 3 days to be fully grown.  The grandparents came home and grandma saw it.  She asked where we got it.  I told her we got it at the birthday party while Diva was trying to tell her it is a sponge and it grows. 

Grandpa on the other hand went in a different direction and told her it was real.  She continued the conversation asking if the fish will be OK.  Grandpa told her that it is a special species and that it is very dormant and just say on the bottom of the tank. 

Diva on the other hand kept insisting it was a toy.  This lie went on for about 24 hours until Grandma found the packaging  She even asked if there was other colors and what did they eat.  The rest of the day, we would  bring it up.  Even when we were trying to get her to drink a bloody Mary and told her it was tomato juice.  My reasoning was "Well if you believed the toy sting ray was real, you could believe that was tomato juice". 

Here is another view of the "sting ray"

She even had me put it in the fish tank because she felt bad it was still in the bag (her thinking it was in those clear bags used for fish but it was the goodie bag).

Those little legs are Fast

Over the weekend, I found myself with some downtime (a miracle).  We had some time before a father's day lunch so myself and Grandpa took the two spawns on a walk.  I know my kids so I had them take their riding toys.  We were walking and I couldn't stop laughing at Buddha....he was fast knowing how pudgy he is.  Here are some videos for your enjoyment.  Sound is not required unless you want to hear me yelling at him on the last video.

Friday, June 14, 2013

Chicken Eggs

Me:  I don't remember who was asking me
it might have been the Other Half
The question was "how does eggs get fertilized"
and I realized I didn't know
like chicken eggs

A:  um, it's actually fairly violent
the rooster "mounts" the chicken and tears out half her back feathers just trying to stay on
this is why hippy bird lovers have created and are now selling chicken saddles.
that's right, you heard me,
that's right, you heard me, chicken saddles.
for sale.
google it.

Me:  no comment

Thursday, June 13, 2013

Why I don`t work from home

So I got stuck working from home yesterday to watch the Buddha while the parents has a slew of doctor appointments.  You would think I would like working from home not me.  I could do it once in a while but when I'm busy with a project I refuse to work from home.  The reason:

I was trying to respond to emails thinking he was busy watching TV.  He walked up to me - I was thinking, he just wants to sit by me - instead he slammed my laptop screen on my hands and walked away. Later he walked to an orchid at my house, looked at me side ways and then looked back at the orchid.  He was about to snatch a flower when I yelled at him not to - he jumped and ran.  I couldn't help laugh at him.  I tried to find stuff to keep him occupied - crayons, TV, and Lego's.  Instead of building something he was dropping the pieces into his cup of milk and spazed out when I took the milk away.  So I took a large container, filled it with water, and he promptly put all his toys in it. 

When he got tired, he start to demand for milk.  As I was trying to get him to sleep, Buddha would pinch me as he drank his milk.  The worse part, pinch my underarm where the most fat is.  He has this strange habit of holding our ears when he is drinking his milk.  If you remove his hand, he will aggressively get a hold of it again or another body part (the ear is the least painful one). 

Since I was working from home, I was able to to go my friend's house as she needed subjects to practice taking pictures of children.  I volunteered Buddha (to think I thought he would do good for once).  LIES.  I felt so bad for her because you could not make him do anything.  I did find interesting that he was interested in my friends daughter (she was about 6 months).  It was kinda cute.  He would show her a bear and waved it around as if he was trying to entertain her.  He would not go anywhere without her (if you are thinking, no more kids more me).  It was strange and cute - he was not agreesive or a bully. 

I was planning on taking the kids to a movie at the park but it started way too late for the kids so we took them to miniture golf. 

Good for Diva, bad for Buddha

Giving him a golf club = weapon

He was pissed that we wouldn't give him the adult club but the kid one

Diva's strange swing (she was mainly dragging the ball across the course and would get mad when I told her that she was cheating.

Buddha crying again because we took the club away - why?
He hurt himself and got a black eye with the other half's club

We couldn't take it anymore and he got it back - the club was taller than him.
At each course where there was a bridge or door, he would go up to the door and stick his hand in.  I was waiting to hear crying when a door would it close on his arm. 

At one point, both kids were at a drawbridge one and Diva messed it with it and we heard a huge bang.  We thought she broke it but out came 5 other golf balls that was stuck.  We were able to play another set and even took 8 golf balls home (we did start with 4).  If we go again, it would have to be with no one else around since both would run into other peoples games. 

My highlight was when my friend shared the pictures she took - I loved them. 

Always the diva

The only picture she was able to get Buddha to smile.
Check out her other stuff on

Tuesday, June 4, 2013

Big boy's party

Last Sunday was Buddha's birthday party.  I suck and really didn't take pictures (it was way too hot to move).  Luckily one of my friends took some pictures for me on her phone.  Here are some pictures of Buddha trying to blow out the candles.  Initially when Daddy was tyring to light the candles, Buddha blew them out but when he finally got all of them lit he wouldn't do it.

Buddha's thought (ohhhh grass, I want to get down and roll around)
Buddha's thoughts (What are you doing?  Why are you making your cheeks puffy and trying to blow air at my cake!)
Buddha's thought (ohhh cake, why are we not eating it!?!?!?!  Why is it on fire? I guess I should blow out the candles, I want some cake)

I got two large bags of long balloons for balloon animals.  This resulted in almost all the adults (mainly the dad's) blowing up the balloons and trying to make shapes.  I thought the Other Half was about the passed out.  Each balloon created, one popped.

 All of "mommy's" friends sitting, eating, and talking while the kids were running around
He passed out..even tried poking him in the cheek (no response).  I gave up after awhile and just pinched him (he is so SQUISHY)

Last week, Diva's bunk bed arrived and Buddha learned to climb up. 

Short video of him climbing down